In the first week of January, I hung out with some friends and we got into a conversation about marriage and ‘the Nigerian factor’. This is pretty much the fact that in Nigeria, the society puts pressure on young people to get married ASAP! Literally from your parents to aunties, distant cousins, the elderly lady who cooks for your neighbour, everyone is suddenly asking you “how far” once you’re in your twenties.
I understand and somewhat agree with this fact but I think as a young person, I must chose what I accept and allow to bother me. Yes, some of my mates are married and have children and that’s great; but it doesn’t mean I should rush into it head first (I’m under 25 by the way).
Marriage is a big deal, committing to one person forever is not child’s play. Some people can hardly commit to a job, blog or keeping a dog, talk less of a human being (with all the inherent flaws and imperfections which take a while to get used to, love or not). I just think it’s a venture to learn and be properly informed about before getting into it. More than butterflies in your tummy and trips to Monaco, it’s a forever tale that may or may not be fairy, with one person and potentially a handful of mini-yous. Stay woke!
I’ve heard more than a few stories of people who got married because of the pressure or at a time they were not ready and it didn’t end well. I’d rather take my time, enjoy my life as it is and when the time comes, if it does, then happily start the journey that is marriage. Please don’t let anyone decide for you or make you believe you’re any less beautiful, smart or successful because you haven’t said vows and entered the marriage institution. Yes, it’s a beautiful thing and I’m in no way downplaying the joy and bliss it is. I’ve seen many wonderful marriages and desire one too, but it does not certify your existence nor make you any more or less human than you already are.
Do not marry or even get into a relationship because everyone is doing it. That is not a good enough reason. You don’t live with everyone and cannot know their struggles, of course you know that all you see on social media is the best version of themselves plus some good ol’ filters (thanks Snapchat!) You may not enjoy what you thought everyone was enjoying and the workload in the “Love & Marriage 101” course might just amaze you so, be ready. Love yourself. Know yourself. And while you wait, educate yourself. Read books, attend seminars on relationships and marriage. And when you find that person and you’re ready, go for it! And give it your best.
There are pressures, no doubt but choose yours.
Love always,
Ife
missbigwords 